The Zombies are coming…!!!
Zombies are not our friends. That’s the first thing you should know about them. They are the walking undead and they want to eat your brains. So avoid them at all costs.
Recently however zombies have become quite a craze. Not many people keep up with such bizarre trends probably, but it’s true. They are being franchised throughout the media, billboards and costume shops. Maybe the appeal of zombies is in that they are actually more comical than scary. However I think their greatest appeal lies in the lore which surrounds them, which is not limited strictly to the horror genre but has also stemmed out of science-fiction. In other words, there is a non-supernatural element involved which makes their existence a real possibility! Granted, it is a possibility that is so tiny to the point of being insignificant but it is nevertheless there.
Don’t make me laugh, how could there ever be zombies?? Imagine a virus or bacteria that attacks the brain. Like rabies, or meningitis. But different because this infection wipes out the frontal lobe and other higher-functioning parts of the brain which holds memory and reasoning and everything that makes humans human. Without a properly functioning frontal lobe, a person is left only with their most basic and primitive parts of the brains which are associated with anger and aggressiveness. Throw in there loss of motor skills and coordination, (aka, the zombie walk) and an insatiable appetite for human flesh. And that’s your basic neurological profile of a zombie. Anyway, ask a neuroscientist, they could probably explain the technical side of it much better than me.
So knowing that about zombies, we can also deduce two things: that they are slow and (most important to your survival), they are stupid.
So Here Are Some Survival Tips For A Zombie Apocalyptic Wave:
- Avoid getting bit or scratched. Zombies are highly infectious, and you will turn into one.
- Run! (remember they are slow so you can always outrun them)
- You can hide until they forget about you.
- You can imitate them/do the zombie walk; although be careful with this one because even though they may be fooled from a distance they can still smell your human flesh from up close.
- Avoid big cities. They are death traps.
- Baseball bats are your best friend.
- If you must engage in combat, go for their brains.
A Note on Violence: Preparing for zombie attacks does not translate into stocking up on guns today. No, no and no. Sorry you NRA crazies. I am not a proponent of violence, so the reason why I said above that baseball bats are your best friend is because they are multi-purpose: 1) You can use them as a tool (to push and prod at things). 2) When you must, you can use them to mash zombie brains. And 3) Of course, you can use them to play baseball/softball with your kids.
Those tips mentioned are applicable only in the worst case scenarios. But looong, way loooong before we even get to that point, there are some habits and practices we can already apply that will help us to survive during the most catastrophic events.
I have three simple ones, and I would even file these under Simple Preventive Measures Against A Real Human Catastrophe…
1) GO GREEN
And not just solar either. You are going to need a healthy mix of alternative energies. Carbon based fuels are already quite scarce and difficult to acquire on a day to day basis. But imagine in a post-apocalyptic setting how difficult it will be to find sources of power for your homes, vehicles and equipment. It will lead you to go out searching for fuel which will expose you to a high risk situation. So start looking around and making the investment into renewable sources of energy today.
2) GROW GARDENS
Start your own little vegetable garden today. You can even team up with your neighbors and start a community garden, and learn together different methods of composting. Remember, once the entire world’s turned topsy-turvey, the food distribution chain is going to be disrupted and food supply will be greatly diminished. And unless you want to be looting convenience stores every day for twinkies and kit-kat bars, you might want to have your own reliable source of fresh real food nearby.
3) STRENGTHEN YOUR LOCAL COMMUNITIES
In order to fend off waves of hungry flesh-eating zombies, you’re going to need to team up with people. So start getting to know people in your local neighborhood and town. Figure out who’s good at what, and start dividing responsibilities to those who are especially good at a particular task. Maybe some people are better at making clothes, others at fixing cars, and others at being the lookout. Encourage them in what they’re already good at doing. If you have a strong self-sufficient community that organizes well together and has a good network of communication that’s not easily knocked out, then it will be easier to fend off a zombie apocalypse and avoid a real catastrophe.
So there you go. It is important to remember that the human race has existed for only a blip in time in relation to the entire history of the planet. Yes, in terms of threat to human survival zombies could be a concern. But so could asteroids, cosmic rays, super volcanoes and magnetic field reversals. All of which are outside of our control. But the likelihood of those things happening are point zero to none compared to the real threat presently looming over human civilization. The biggest threat and the most likely way that humans can go extinct is in fact, humans themselves. Humans have already long been heading on a very unsustainable path, destroying their environment and disturbing the balance of the planet. So if we’re talking about REAL threats to ourselves, then… let’s forget zombies.
But— since it is October and Halloween is just around the corner, I will leave you folks with a small list of my all-time favorite Zombie Movies:
1) 28 Days Later (2002, Danny Boyle. It’s debatable whether this counts as a zombie movie)
2) Night of the Living Dead (1968, George A. Romero)
3) Dawn of the Dead (1978, George A. Romero’s classic)
4) Dawn of the Dead (2004, Zack Snyder)
5) Shaun of the Dead (2004, Edgar Wright)
Also note-worthy is The Walking Dead which is a television series currently being aired on AMC every Sunday. You can watch the entire first season on Netflix. It is only six episodes but it is highly addictive. Also of course, it is worthy to mention PopCap’s very ridiculously cute computer game: Plants vs. Zombies.
Alrighty, that’s all. Have a zombie-rific Halloween everyone!
Listen to: Protect Ya Neck (Bloody Version) – The Wu-Tang Clan